130315

Well, the clocking is ticking, time is taking an Allegretto speed, Monday is coming.
I've imagine every possibilities for things to happen in the day. Yes it has become The Day for me. I told myself I should expect the worse , I don't want to end up like some losers who just can't accept their failure and disappointment. Tha day is getting closer and I'm getting all stress up. Seriously I've been counting down the second I opened my eyes every morning, I've been counting down for like every hours, I managed to find myself some distractions and they just didn't work out well. I keep telling myself, no matter what happened, whoever becomes the winner, don't be jealous because that wasn't mine at the first place, it's for them who hard works paid, it's for the people who deserves it.

130313

等啊〜等啊〜一等再等
过了一天是一天，感觉就像囚犯对判死刑的等待，不安猜疑，等待时间对了即将降临在自己身上的未知数，是被处死还是被释放重获自由，白天想晚上梦，学会把自己的情绪管得很妥当，不能太贪心的希望，不能太多的绝望，或许背负了太多期望，惶恐焦急却又度日如年。

130307

放手吧，没戏唱了。
我很想对着现实呐喊，与他争辩，尽管他是无可被否定的。我还是做不到让自己的情感变得坚强点，真的，我没那么脆弱，我不是一击即垮的人，只是我选择了成为那种人。其实都是选择的，潜意识里我选择让自己去相信不真实，保护自己对这世界的期望，让自己少受点伤。但是总要看清。今晚我看见了，听见了，感觉到了，这样的现实，那样的强烈那样的响亮。他告诉我收起对人的依赖，毕竟他不会无条件接受你的一切，他没有责任也没有义务去对你好，他想嫌你时就嫌你，想翻脸就翻，想骂就骂，想不理就不理。当下好气自己。也许应该回到像以前那样，活的谨慎一点，对人别太放松，因为没有人会无条件爱你。或许睡了一觉我又忘了这种警惕，不过临睡时分我想我是清醒的

130222

I don't feel good now,not at all,emotionally vulnerable, mood swing and swing.
Maybe what I needed the most now is someone,companion and compliment.I guess I was being ridiculously unreasonable in certain things, I just feel tired and emo. Just hope things will work out sometimes, and don't tell me that I had overestimate myself and ability. I need courage and confident. Don't force nor hope everyone to understand what you feel, because its not like they actually gone through the same damn thing. Despair and disappointed tonight.

130103

No matter how much i wish,things are just different now. I feel bad for what i've did,i feel frustrated because i don't even understand myself and let emotions take control,like always,i feel angry too,i know i have no right to feel that but i still do.
How much time do i need to realize that you are not the same anymore, you are not care for me anymore even if i'm dead . Great , i don't know until where did you changed,after what happened today, when you are done swearing and yelling and throwing rude words towards me, i knew that,we will not be the same anymore.So this is the price i need to pay.

121215This thing are getting harder to me.

Back to Malaysia, back to old life,vacation's over.
Its time to deal with old stuff...thats why I'm emotionally breaking down now...guess I'm a emotionally-too-available person , too easy to get carried away by the outburst.
Speaking of couple,relationships,mine's no a good one.Too sudden to realize that I'm weary and tired in this long distance thing...not the first time feel like this...I know you are tough either..we are same...always looking for what we don't have..like a normal couple...can meet everyday ...happened to stick together often in daily basis...its sth we can't,that's why I envy them...how i wish we can ...but no..no way..
Spending holiday together like going a trip ...we simply just can't...I don't know thess things are matter at first,I thought as long as we like each other,then nothing's matter anymore.
Life ain't a fairy tale, I'm not a good partner to be with,because I'm always asking why they can and why we can't? We are getting tougher, maybe just me,but I chose this right? This is my choice ..like a moth into the flame,I'm blind and hypnotized and too faraway from realizing the consequences.
At that time.

121106

Again. Hacking your account and started all the fights.You know, this time was different, She was special to you i can tell.The way you treat her , better than a friend better than other girl.
Being polite or gentlemen or yada yada yada, i am not trying to accuse you cheated on me,the whole thing , the way you mention her , i know she's different. Maybe not a drop-dead gorgeous or a super hot chick ,
but compare to me, Miss Plain and So-so of course she's outstanding.
I got nothing you know, i feel vulnerable when thinking of her, i'll lose anytime, you re seeing her everydy at school, i dont know how to think. Our distance, i being inconsiderate and freaking annoying bitch girlfriend,
i dont know what you see in me, she make me realize how tiny am i,like never have such feeling before.
Last night was a long night to me , i know i was wrong at first place , but i cant stop imagine what will happen between both of you, i cant sleep i was so worried. I feel that you wish to get close to her, to know her more, you are happy she's sharing her secrets with you, and both of you will keep growing i dont know where, i didnt feel good at all, you guys are growing way too fast,she started to trust you even though she just know you for one day,she are capable of making people dont wish to leave the conversation first, i dont know how to feel, maybe i am jz a small part inside your big heart chamber,she got hers too, we both having our own place inside your heart. Dont say you are not interested in her even a little bit ! Dont say you dont want to know her ! Just admit she's special to you, the words you said to me before i saw you tell her, i dont want anymore, what's mine is mine, i m not sharing with anyone.Or maybe your heart is complicated full of many sides i dont know,i am lost, i dont know anything.