121215This thing are getting harder to me.

Back to Malaysia, back to old life,vacation's over.
Its time to deal with old stuff...thats why I'm emotionally breaking down now...guess I'm a emotionally-too-available person , too easy to get carried away by the outburst.
Speaking of couple,relationships,mine's no a good one.Too sudden to realize that I'm weary and tired in this long distance thing...not the first time feel like this...I know you are tough either..we are same...always looking for what we don't have..like a normal couple...can meet everyday ...happened to stick together often in daily basis...its sth we can't,that's why I envy them...how i wish we can ...but no..no way..
Spending holiday together like going a trip ...we simply just can't...I don't know thess things are matter at first,I thought as long as we like each other,then nothing's matter anymore.
Life ain't a fairy tale, I'm not a good partner to be with,because I'm always asking why they can and why we can't? We are getting tougher, maybe just me,but I chose this right? This is my choice ..like a moth into the flame,I'm blind and hypnotized and too faraway from realizing the consequences.
At that time.

121106

Again. Hacking your account and started all the fights.You know, this time was different, She was special to you i can tell.The way you treat her , better than a friend better than other girl.
Being polite or gentlemen or yada yada yada, i am not trying to accuse you cheated on me,the whole thing , the way you mention her , i know she's different. Maybe not a drop-dead gorgeous or a super hot chick ,
but compare to me, Miss Plain and So-so of course she's outstanding.
I got nothing you know, i feel vulnerable when thinking of her, i'll lose anytime, you re seeing her everydy at school, i dont know how to think. Our distance, i being inconsiderate and freaking annoying bitch girlfriend,
i dont know what you see in me, she make me realize how tiny am i,like never have such feeling before.
Last night was a long night to me , i know i was wrong at first place , but i cant stop imagine what will happen between both of you, i cant sleep i was so worried. I feel that you wish to get close to her, to know her more, you are happy she's sharing her secrets with you, and both of you will keep growing i dont know where, i didnt feel good at all, you guys are growing way too fast,she started to trust you even though she just know you for one day,she are capable of making people dont wish to leave the conversation first, i dont know how to feel, maybe i am jz a small part inside your big heart chamber,she got hers too, we both having our own place inside your heart. Dont say you are not interested in her even a little bit ! Dont say you dont want to know her ! Just admit she's special to you, the words you said to me before i saw you tell her, i dont want anymore, what's mine is mine, i m not sharing with anyone.Or maybe your heart is complicated full of many sides i dont know,i am lost, i dont know anything.

120605

从来都不会讨厌我的人
说了‘我很讨厌你！’
我们都变了
变得互相讨厌
互相伤害
互相无视
互相攻击互相计较
回不到最初
除了爱什么都没有的感觉
时间
让我们看清现实
从童话中苏醒
我只是还不适应
还眷恋着最初的
宠爱
现在被嫌烦被讨厌
以后会更糟吧
真的没有信心了
你不想听的话
比起讨厌
更觉得心寒
果然你看清了我
这才是真正的我
无理取闹
专制霸道
爱找吵架
爱欺负人
无视你的疼痛
这样的我
请你再说爱我
看清了再说
懂我再爱我
不然
我不值得爱

120604

Soaking myself for the whole day in watching drama
Best distraction to run away from any unnecessary emotions
At least for me
Mood swing is definitely bothering both of us
Also , a symptom of my madness
Imma going crazy of thinking about the time for us together are keep wasting
Time is ticking
The holiday is going to the end
Yet we still unaware of that
Yet we still choose to ignore that
You are so near yet so far
The choice i made was punishing me
The refuse-to-lie option i've made
I'm bearing the price now
Indeed can't able to meet you is a punishment for me,
both of us too
Yup i'm the one who cause these
Honestly the punishment is killing me.
More and more dramas and novels for me please
You're the one should complain
I know you won't
How shameful when i told you the reason of my choice
You've give up everything for me
How many faces you have to create
You choose me instead of your family
You choose to become a big liar
Thanks for your willingness
My one and only pig

Yes ! English today

Awsome

All my life
I've waited for the right
Moment to let you know
I don't wanna let you go oh

But now I've realized
There's just no perfect time
To confess how I feel
This much I know is real

So I refuse to
Waste one more second without you
Knowing my heart

Baby cause I don't
Need anything else but your love
Nothing but you means a thing to me
I'm incomplete

When you're not there
Holding me, touching me, I swear
All of the rest could just disappear
And I wouldn't even care
As long as you're there

Take these words
Don't let them go unheard
This is me reaching out
I hope you can hear it now

Cause baby my heart's at stake
Take it
It's yours to break

I'd rather try and lose
Than keep this love from you

So I refuse to
Waste one more second
Without you
Knowing my heart

Baby cause I don't
Need anything else but your love
Nothing but you means a thing to me
I'm incomplete

When you're not there
Holding me touching me I swear
All of the rest could just disappear
And I wouldn't even care
As long as you're there

Each day and night
That I've kept this a secret
It'd killed me
It's time
To share what I feel, 'cause

I don't
Need anything else but your love
Nothing but you means a thing to me
I'm incomplete

When you're not there
Holding me touching me I swear
All of the rest could just disappear
And I wouldn't even care
As long as you're there

120226

你走了
就这样
近在咫尺却遥不可及
我哭了
哭累了
睡不着
大概我把你的情绪都揽到自己身上了吧
这就是所谓的代替难过
我本来就这样
沉不住气禁不住冲动
我在为昨晚的胡闹付出代价
极为的惨痛
心好累
眼睛好累
真可笑
也不知道在哭哪一出
只差没把你哭死
无能的自己
毫不吝啬的展现出来
到现在还搞不懂自己再难过什么
说不出一个理由
你最讲究的
能说服人的理由
吃很少
饿着哭 饿着闹
饿着没用
饿着耍忧郁
我不懂自己要什么了
怎么做才能好过一点
怎样才能解脱
很努力的转移注意力
很明显没办法
我现在在胡闹吧
疯言疯语
不 我很认真
很陈恳
就这样
行尸走肉
我的星期天

120211

没有太大起伏

什么情绪都是隐隐的

只是如果生气了

自己就是名副其实的野蛮

我能任性到什么时候

面对这样的我总有一天会疲惫

那场梦 我明白你的顾虑

因为对象是我

明白那完全可能发生

突然觉得好多事要去反省

好奇 兴趣 我就是多了这些

任何保证都不能给你

我就是怕责任

没能让你安心

潜意识都说出来了

安抚你

我心虚着

我这种人拿什么去保证

反正最后都会变成废话

又愤世嫉俗了