141218

交往7个月又8天，有你的岁月都是被祝福的。好想不顾后果的把你塞满我的世界，这样就每天都如此熟悉深刻，你丝毫悲喜甚至呼吸的频率变化都察觉得出来。今天又学会了，聚少离多这种事，对于心思不够慎密又神经大条的人来说就只有死路一条。因为这样的自己没法看出任何异样和端倪。

141007

我太害怕自己会忘记当下的感动，因为那是多么不该被忘记的瞬间。所以我选择记录下来，被你体谅和理解的感觉是多么美好。这次的旅行，每一个瞬间应该被记下来，在绝望或感觉坠落谷底的时候，提醒着自己曾经拥有过这样的幸福。这样的你，让我想变得更好。

140725

世界这么大，诱惑这么多，我怎么管得了你的心。
人的心毕竟也不是那么牢靠，自己不也领教过了。
他们的爱情好像是彼此伤害的游戏，为了让对方身上留下很深很长的伤疤而玩的游戏。
我不知道我们
或者说，我朝思暮想的想拥有的你的心其实只是浮云，抓了也会飘走。

140627

Finally we meet again.
从分开到现在，一共10天了。今天我一抬头我就知道，这几天无能为力的想念全都结束了。感谢在这10天里你好好的照顾自己，感谢你好好的，活生生的，健康康的向我走来。
我是个不相信永远的人，没有一辈子这回事。人跟爱情都一样，都会随着时间流逝而改变。所以你知道吗？真正让我感动的不是永恒的信誓旦旦，也不是牵着手走到最后的承诺，而是当下的我们，有多么幸福到淋漓尽致。   
不知道你察觉到了没，面对你我变得不善于表达自己。与其说表达，有时候根本不知道自己感觉到什么,全都是后来回神后才辨认到的。也许这样的说法很难以理解，我甚至怀疑过自己是不是麻木的。或许是种症状，叫做感官神经迟钝现象。情绪处于游神的状态，事后迟迟才反应过来。
解释了乍么多，其实今天到底是怎么一个感觉，我也还没反应过来。也给我点时间吧。

140614

Apparently today's theme is somewhere lingered around flashback. Considered sem 2's gonna end, third last day I decide to recall back everything happened(and it's eventful)during my second semester in this uni. Geez how sentimental am I. Hmm so on the first day I went bck here after a one-month plus short holiday,and there I was,unpackaging things and crying like a baby while holding an apple in my hand (Yea my mum's apple)and then I realize I actually haven't grown up, not even a little. The rest of the week passed with emotionally unstable due to homesick and got the offer to join Annabelle Dance crew. A real surprise that made me instantly forgot about the damn homesick. It's like I've found sth that made my blood boiled. And worth to strike for. Many things happened then, good followed by bad. Nonstop drama and finally settled down with my current crew after tons of meeting and discussion about the merging of both crews. It's peachy subject to talk about actually. Kick-start of the semester was a charity event called 3C and we've got the chance to perform the song 'Wolf'. Got bruises and a few scratches by the intense moves but still managed to cope with it. It's a really cool event especially I got to meet up with sis and friends.

And we move on to the next Ice cream factory charity event. I did the contemporary dance which full of emotions and the cheerful song named Into The New World,flash mob in the end and a little bit of crazy dance. 

Still sulking for bad past I finally buckled up myself and went on a short vacation. It's felt so refreshing after meeting up with siblings and friends. Nothing beats these. 

Meanwhile our crew did our first flashmob at lecture place. T-ara ft N4 Jeon Won diary. Cool song. And then there's an intruder who creeped his way into my life. Little did I know he's gonna walked straight into my heart(cheesy much okay I admit). Next one was the MV shooting for the theme song of MPP event. Yes we actually dancing under the hot sun. We've been practising the song for a couple of nights maybe? Too express huh 

The coming event was MISC flower young(kinda forgot the full name)our crew did a retro dance called 'Rock Around The World'in group and 'Stupid Cupid' for ladies! I was having so much fun dancing in the retro-mode.

AIESEC Global fiesta on the very next day. JeonWon Diary mode again and plus-one song Warrier. Mags really rocks here. Never felt so alive before the moment I went off the stage.

Masquerade-themed grand dinner of Eon. First time trying out fashion show and the whole catwalk-in-killing-heels thing was literally torturing. Heels wasn't a joke I sweared. Anyway it ended up well. WOlf dance followed up that night.

Wasn't so keen to share my first hiking experience here knowing I'll basically bragging and vomiting everything out until god-knows-what-time. To sum it up, I've got nightmares of leeches crawling all over your body a few nights after but the outcome was pretty satisfying(a hot potential funny and muscle guy who took care of you all the way back)Mind-blowing experience I can say. Move on to event of the semester Spring fest. A bunch of waiter and waitress coming out from nowhere with dishes in their hand suddenly started to dance. Such an idea haha.We've done the ultimate and freaking intense training and working so hard on it just to produce the perfect dance. 'Party animal' and 'Ringa Linga' on the night. 

That night he confessed. Slightly awkward and embarrassing moment which I'll never forgot. 

There he was. Funny,charming,maniac,making no sense at all,doesn't give a damn about things he don't care,perfect gentleman and boyfriend. He makes me laugh like nothing else's mattered anymore,makes me forget about bad things,working so hard on coping with my moodswing strikes. 

Well homestay with da crew before final. One word to described? Crowded. Felt like shit the next day for up all night talking out heart out. I mean this was a sleepover right? We're supposed to back with dark circles. So it's final now. I've done my 5th papers and one more to go. This is me. My second semester. 

140612

There're times in your life when you think you're so strong that you don't need anyone in your life and you're more than capable to take down everything by yourself. You start pushing people away and shutting down yourself from people who cares for you. And you never held a tinge of doubt that every human has loopholes. So suddenly in midnight you jerked up from bad dreams, all you got is pitch black,the familiar sensation of insecurities found their way into your vulnerable spot,those past which you've been tried your very best to bury came crawling back, images and people, they hunt you down and you've got nowhere to escape and hide. You never feel so naked in your entire life. Not even your pajamas can cover your scars. You wanted to get hold of somebody but you've got no one. You're all alone. And finally you realize you're anything but strong and you'd never be. 

But now you're not alone anymore. Not in midnight going through the suffocating flashback of your past all alone. There's someone you can always count on when you feel like hell. You're still timid but at least you've someone to hold on tight. Still thinking about how strong and independent are you? Don't go all optimist to life, it will always throw you a grenade the time you've put you guard down and least expected. 

140518#random#

Must be so hard to be with me.

I'm suck in many things and I know that.

I can't even make myself to fix those problems. I've trouble dealing with people I really cared. It's kinda challenging to me that how to express myself without annoyed people. What I'm trying to say here, I miss home because I miss the feelings being spoilt in the house and nobody will talk a thing. I miss home because the whateverness I can do and everyone will bear with me. This is life. This is uni. You're looking for ppl who's capable of reading your mind and intentions yet they stay with you in the end ? Are you for real ? You're starting to reveal your true self. You've exposed yourself to risks. Dreamy-feely wasn't helping the situation. Your boyfriend is way too amazing and almost perfect to be real. The problem is not him. But reality. You thought you're normal species, but you're devil kind. 

So the devil knows how to smile.

140518

What's wrong with me today? 

Damn I miss home

Damn I miss my parents

Just a call from mum then the tears flowing non-stop

我撒娇说我好想回家，她说我已经不是小孩子了。不过我觉得我是，我一直都是。👶👶👶👪

Emo个毛啊 

我就真的很想家啊

T.T T.T T.T

Hold on tight. One month to go. Just one month. Be strong please. Big girl don't cry. Don't let'em worry.

140517

Past is intimidating. It still haunt me even till now.

我的人生出现了意外。

没有预兆，打乱了我一切计划，措手而不及。一个月前我的预想绝对不是这样的。

You just appeared. Out of nowhere ,without expected. No reasons needed. Because I know why. Nothing can stopped us from intruding each other's life. Life is ironic, after all. Just like what had happened to me one year ago. How great time is. It makes us heal. So that we can start all over and learn to love again.

你的出现让我相信冥冥之中，让我相信发生在我们身上的一切都不是偶然。不管过去多么不堪，它让我们走向彼此。我感谢冥冥之中的缘分让我遇见你。我不知道明天会怎么样。我会努力幸福。我们会幸福的。

140511

9/5     Awkward arised 

10/5   Awkward leveled up 

11/5   Awkward bursts

I can't get it. I can't get myself. What've I gotten myself into ? 

This is me after all. I've made my choice. I'll take full responsible. Fresh start, new life, you definitely need this.

140509

Dark side.

I'm so not ready yet. For a healthier mindset and build a new relationship, I'm definitely not ready now. So many questions I'm talking to myself. Everything seems going so smooth it scares me. I know this will end eventually. Too good to be true. Too good to be mine. 

140418

Something isn't right tonight.

The pang in my chest just happened. Too sudden I didn't even get the time to shield it. Just back from 5-hours non-stop dance training, I guess the exhaustion of both physical an mental did this damn emo thing on me. Right timing. The song kinda reminded me of my eternal nightmare. Shit. Damn it. Then it started. You know when you feel like out of breath, like fish out of water, being tossed out of water, like someone's straggling you. Post traumatic syndrome, along with the trust issue. 

140315

j第一个学期活在你的阴影下

这个学期不会了

有些痛苦是永远没办法克服的，不是过去了就会痊愈。重新面对的那天，还是会痛。

这个学期很精彩，得到了很多表演的机会，虽然练习几乎都会伤痕累累，可是每一个淤青和伤疤，都是美丽的。因为我还能跳舞，做着自己喜欢的事。

140221

我压抑不住思念着你

拨通了电话

委屈的时候，觉得受伤的时候

偶尔一次让我听听你的声音

总是会有这么一瞬间

不管我们过去发生什么事 怎么互相伤害过 

不管未来是什么样 我们都会变什么样

电话那头你的声音 总能给我安慰

再多的话语能否回到最初 在心痛

现在很好

想你的话 就给你打电话

忙到天翻地覆 就不想你

不代表什么

就只是很好

140213

Turns out being a third wheel wasn't so bad after all...perhaps just for a couple of hours...AND when you've found yourself some too-mainstream-entertainment like

After-dinner smile-- okay cheese once more :

Or the after-movie-and-Starbucks smile =)

Happy valentine's eve !!!! 

140212

我好像真的要回去了，今天过得很开心。走走吃吃买买，说我拜金也好，花脚也好，我今天真的好幸福❤️

是因为穿了自己很喜欢的衣服？

虽然最后因为太贵所以没买，

还是和姐妹一起玩？

我好爱你们！

要不然。。。是因为太好喝的绿茶拿铁？

总之今天好！

140212

j2014年，很想跟自己说，好好面对此时此刻的孤单，不要因为寂寞而滥情，不要做一个连自己的感情都不知情的人，自己何尝不是经历过，多情的人滥情的人，最恶。

我在说你，

见了面通了电话，聊了心事来了感觉，那不是全部。

我念旧，念情，念你，念着一个已经不会再回来的，过去的人

人生是很贱的，时间岁月很残忍，给不了我一个过去的人，所以并不是感觉回来了奋不顾身也会跟着回来了。回头草谁不想吃？吃了会毒死自己

我至少还是爱自己多一点的。好不容易一步一脚印的从没有你的悲惨世界活过来，我是怎么过的，怎么从对你的憎恨变成若无其事，我需要回忆，需要记得。不能回去的理由？现在告诉你

滥情。专不了的一。你就是这样的人。

我会平凡的很幸福。

140208

I met him today. The one and only person that made my life hell. I met him today. We talked. And laughed. 

How funny am I. Last time I checked, I cried, I yelled, I gone beyond insane, everything came crumble down. How ironic life is. Time does these.